i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
