Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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