he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
