I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
