I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Say something about gay babies.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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