i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Panties = found
Randomize
