Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
