it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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