god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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