Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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