My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
