Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
