We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
