my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
