I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
