I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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