Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
