Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
