its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
