I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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