I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
