I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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