Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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