Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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