Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
