Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
