i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
