How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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