Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
