ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Oh god it's open bar.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
