Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
