How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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