take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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