got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
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