I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
