dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
