is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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