Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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