I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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