im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
