I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
