Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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