sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
