Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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