So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I love you. Go after that dick
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
