my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
