I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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