I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
