oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
