it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she woke up with a sticky ear
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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