I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
