Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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