Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
